I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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