There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
