i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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