i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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