I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt