good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout