Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".