apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
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I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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