Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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