he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
