I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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