i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
