I think I won the penis lottery.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
