You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
