after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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