smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
