She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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