i permit you to call me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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