i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
