His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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