i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
