got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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