I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
