I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
