You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
