tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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