why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
