i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
