yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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