Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
