Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
