Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
