Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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