I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
