Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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