Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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