my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
