pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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