Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
