come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
