I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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