areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
