Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
