she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
