It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
