Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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