based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
