I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize