Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
