Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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