Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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