It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
