Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
