fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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