I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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