He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
