She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
