Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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