just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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