so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
