You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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