I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
