i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
