so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
