We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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