Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
