whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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