Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
