..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Green mimosas i think yes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
