it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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