Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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