That's when you crack a 10am beer
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
