Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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