you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
