She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
