I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
