The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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