He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My life is pants optional.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
