The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
this will be a night to untag.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
