got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
