i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
